Suicide isn't so bad, give it a chance.

Thinking about suicide but you're not sure if it's the right thing to do? Here are some tips to help you decide whether or not killing yourself is a good choice:

1. Do you live at home but your parents are always finding faults in you? Or your siblings don't respect you? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they do that? What are they going to do next? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.

2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.

3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? Can't relate with yourself? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.

4. Did something stupid? Made a fool of yourselves in presence of many? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.

5. Flunked out of school? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of school + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.

6. Missed the bus? Late for school? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.

7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, D.I.Y might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.

8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brainjuice.

9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?

10. College application get rejected? Take the hint


suicide is the way, you emo dicks