jannn

2009-05-10T12:36:00.002+08:00

i'm so hurt. so hurt. hurt so much.
why does this all happen
why me

why did you leave, you swore you'll never leave me
and now you do.

save me

2009-04-16T02:38:00.004+08:00

i don't understand the people around me. They either emo to their sleep or live their life trying to diss me. Seriously, tell me the point you scums do that. It's damn boring being among you guys. No fun, nothing new.

For one thing, don't put feelings to what i said if you don't know anything. If you can say that as a joke, why can't i? if you can get pissed over it, why can't i? Every single human being is selfish. in one way or another, conscious or unconsciously, they try to make this world the way they want it to be. Don't make me seem like such a disease if you yourself are a pain to bear with. Try not to understand me when you don't, not to say fight me when you can't.

Hate me or diss me, one day you'll need me. Admit it, has happened before.

This isn't my ego talking, if you think so, fuck a dog. Such a damn shame on you people. You live your fantasy life, not that i don't live mine. but at least i don't think i overdo it. Say one thing, mean another. Infront of me you act like your my friend, but behind me, you slowly try to kill me. Fail. You fail. You won't be better than me, because i'm not one to be compared with. I don't want to be associated with your kind.

I'm not perfect neither are you people. you know me, i won't hurt you physically. I'll mentally rape you till you yourself seek forgiveness. Happened before. Admit or not, you know it yourself. Throw me aside, use me when you're in distress, call me when you need me, i'll be there, have i not? Ask yourself, is it friendship when it's all one way. You're bullshit. I am not asking for anything, i just expect you to ponder about it.

Stop being such a wuss, wear clothes that bring you to hell. Do shit that burns you even before you get burned. Talk like those torments aren't real. You never make an effort to change, it's not like i've never told you about it. Why do i even care, what or who are you to me. You are no one. Yet i care. Because i am afraid, i am afraid that when you get scared, there won't be any time left at all. I am afraid because it human nature, that we won't change till it near the end or near a calamity. This ain't a movie, that calamity that comes won't stop. In terrifying fashion you shall die, with your eyes wide open and all your sins littered upon your dirty and tattered body. Aren't you afraid?

I did my share. I hope there's time left for me, for us. I hope you don't forget where you came from and to where you shall go back to. It's real. It becoming more real by each day. Can't any of you see it? Why the dull heart, why the pink lips, why the dark eyes. No one ever understands, no one cares. It's not about me, it's about us. You only care about you nightmares. How bout those nightmares that haunt you in you sleep or when you're awake. We're all lost. You, me and them, we're lost. We've lost. They won, they have invaded us, without us knowing.

I'm not saving me, nor you. No one can. Save yourself. It's too late.

2009-03-30T01:45:00.001+08:00

i don't understand that thing you call love

2009-01-20T01:20:00.001+08:00

You're the direction I follow to get home
When I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go
And it's like I can't feel a thing without you around
And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees
'Cause you have that effect on me, you do

Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

Months going strong now, and no goodbye
Unconditional, unoriginal
Always by my side
Meant to be together
Meant for no one but each other
You love me, I love you harder so

Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me your hands
So please, give me a lesson on how to steal, steal the heart
As fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine

2009-01-19T12:04:00.002+08:00

By bitch bullying, girls can express all their anger, insecurities and unhappiness at growing up, but in veiled ways. When you are unhappy, you feel much better if someone else hurts too. Envy also plays its part, for girls crave the goods that could shore up their deep insecurity but which they cannot afford. And all girls, or every age, seem scared of confrontation. When someone upsets us we cannot say so to their face or clear up any misunderstanding with an apology or an acceptance that we might have been over-sensitive. Instead we harbour resentments, often for years.

Girls need to know that they are not bad when they feel all these things. They are human beings with a range of negative as well as positive emotions, just like boys. But they also need to know that there is a big difference between being a strong bitch and a weak bitch.

A strong bitch is not afraid to say what she thinks, rather than what she feels she ought to say to be liked. She is not afraid to stand up for herself and ask for that pay rise because she knows she deserves it, and she is not afraid to stand up to injustice and abuse. A weak bitch puts other women down to feel stronger. It is lack of confidence and self-worth that has produced this explosion of bitch culture in our schools – and it is still feminism that can provide the solution.

Kate Fige

I lol'd hard

2009-01-03T11:50:00.003+08:00

i love sex

lol okay fuck you. so okay i've been busy with my real life girlfriend, that i actually forgot to introduce my virtual girlfriend to you guys. with love, here she is:

CPU Intel Core2 Quad Q6600
(Quad-Core, 3.06GHz, 8M Cache, 65nm, 95W)

Motherboard ASUS P5E3 Deluxe WiFi-AP@n (Intel X38 Chipset)
(Supports 45nm CPU, PCI-E 2.0, CoressFire, DDR3)

RAM: OCZ 2GB DDR3 1333MHz PC2-10600 w/Heatspreader x2

Hard Drive: 500G 7200RPM 16M Cache
(SATA2 Interface, Up to 3.0Gb/s Transfer Rate)

Video: nVidia Geforce GTX 280 512M DDR3 PCI-E 2.0

Sound: Integrated 8-Channel HD Audio CODEC + Steeseries Siberia USB Soundcard

IDE/SATA/USB 1 / 6+2(eSATA) / 6(back)+2(front)+4(expandable)

Case:Thermaltake ARMOR+ VH6000BWS Full ATX Case
w/ Antec 850W SLI Modular Power Supply

Advanced Feature Dual Gigabit LAN / 802.11n Wireless LAN
RAID 0, 1, 0+1, 5 / IEEE1394(Firewire)
Triple PCI-E x16 Slots / S/PDIF Port
ASUS Express Gate / ASUS EPU

Yet to buy : DVD Drive: LG HD-DVD/Blu-ray DVD Reader + DVD-ReWriter Combo Drive SATA Interface

alright so you just got pwned, take a breath. and repeat after me and say I SUCK!

2009-01-02T01:55:00.003+08:00

i'm just happy you're back

missed you

now don't do that again

i love you, you hear me?

2008-12-30T13:33:00.000+08:00

No, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way this story goes,
You always smile....
But in you eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

No I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know

I cant live
If living is without you
I can’t live
I can’t give anymore
Can’t live
If living is without you
can’t give,
I can’t give anymore

Well, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way this story goes,
You always smile
But in you eyes your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

2008-12-29T20:36:00.004+08:00

i am sick, sick of everything, sick of life itself. just when things are turning for the better, i am hit with another shit. i am just tired of pretending to be alright. i am sick of replying to your problems. i am sick of all of it. i feel like shit but i can't get it out. i should be happy, i got a job, i got a girl, i got a family. but hell no, someone out there just hates seeing me happy. i am sighing more than i am smiling. i usually get it over and done with smoking away, but now it does not help. i am in dire straits, i don't know what to do. i am not getting along with my family, my friends just don't seem enough and my girlfriend is just adding to it. life sucks, how i wish there was a stop button. no one understands, no one tries to, no one asks, nobody cares. fuck life, fuck you jan, you're so weak.

And my weakness is that I care too much

2008-12-26T00:47:00.002+08:00

People saying suicide is pathetic, disgusting, stupid, selfish and an act of cowardice.

To get to the point at which you successfully kill yourself through painful means, in most cases, your brain needs to be convinced of the rightfulness of your act. It needs to WANT to die.

A little hesitation and you pull back from your "suicide plan". Therefore, in most cases, the people who commit suicide verify, using their perceptions, If according to them it's the right choice.

Keyword is perceptions because not everyone feels the same things for the same reasons.

People who kill themselves have usually been crippled by life. They have gone through so much shit that they can't imagine what it's like not to feel pain.

Perhaps, in their shoes, you'd be able to get out of all their crap, since you perceive things differently and wouldn't mind starting from scratch or whatever, but they have become scared of life and are completely exhausted, while you're not.

You've lived the good life, with good parents, money, no bullies, no bad luck, no pain.

Your thought patterns are formed in childhood and your personality during adolescence.

If they've suffered during all of those two periods, chances are their mind will have "adapted" to it in a way to defend themselves from others by avoidance.

There are many personality disorders, of which most people are not aware of, that explain such behaviors.
Violent people, shy people, "emo" people, "slutty" girls, workaholics, delusional people (Paranoid) etc.

All of those begin in childhood, so be a good parent for fuck's sake. Bad parenting is worst than the plague.

If you went through a lot of crap and out of it, you've had good parents, that's it.

So for all of you who thinks suicide is stupid, dumb, an act of cowardice or just plain noob. READ THIS SHIT BELOW

I DON'T WANT TO READ TEH WALL OF TEXT:
People have different perceptions of reality/the world, which they develop during childhood. This means that for some people, it is impossible to organize themselves to get out of trouble, for some it's impossible to imagine what love, empathy or respect are. Some people are in the physical or psychological INCAPACITY to manage their problems, so they either live a shitty, painful, physical life or die. It is NOT their choice, it is NOT their fault when you take their perception in count instead of your own.

on a different note

i fcuking miss you. the last time i missed someone this much was when i lost my mum at the interchange years back. i hope you're having fun there. be back soon. i love you

2008-12-21T22:09:00.004+08:00

fuck

i am going to miss you. like crazy. 10 days without you, without you smile and laughter, without your constant sms-es and tags, without your calls, without your voice. fuck, there's just too much to miss without you around. sigh. i just hope you have fun there and please, take care of yourself, i know you like to do astonishingly absurd things, but please be careful. because i love you and i can't afford anything to happen to you.

Dengan sinaran kasihmu
Kian terancang hidupku
Tiada lagi keraguan
Kau bagiku kekuatan
Mana jua ku berada
Ditemani cahya cinta

Sejak dirimu ku dekati
Diri ku ini ku kenali
Hanya engkaulah sesungguhnya
Tiada dua

bye i am going to wallow in emoness now

2008-12-19T00:35:00.006+08:00

i love you

i may be harsh, i may be unreasonable

but i love you

i may act like i dont care, i may make hurtful jokes

but i love you

i may look at other girls, i may make comparisons

but i love you

you are beautiful, you are perfect for me

you are all i have, all i want, all i need

i hope you know that you are a part of me

you're in my every thought, my every wish, my every prayer

your thought makes me smile, your presence is eden to me

i don't care what people say, what they think

because they don't know me, they don't know us

i love you unconditionally

i love you

2008-12-16T22:28:00.002+08:00

i am disappointed in you. i am so disappointed to a point of anger. you never told me about it, never mentioned, kept me in the dark. nevermind that, what the fuck are you thinking? do you want to end up like me? without a damned future. look what happened to me. did you not even think how wrong it is? i don't care how long ago it is, bottomline is that, it IS wrong. zzz. i don't know what to say or do. i am just disappointed in you.

i hope you won't push me to a position where i have to do things my way.

I don't wanna wake up now
Cause everything sucks today
I took a pill
It gets me through, gets me through

yeah, it gets me through

2008-12-16T01:23:00.002+08:00

okay so you might think i am just a stepover.

yes, i am over protective

i like it that way and you can do little about it

just keep a distant from her

or i swear i'll hurt you

lol give me a break

2008-12-14T23:08:00.002+08:00

Siapalah diri aku ini
Tanpamu, dunia ku pasti tak berseri
Dan hidup tak menjadi

Kau bagiku, satu-satunya
Padamulah ku meminta, ke bermanja
Ku rindui, ku kasihi
Di hatiku kau abadi

Dengan sinaran kasihmu
Kian terancang dihupku
Tiada lagi keraguan
Kau bagiku kekuatan
Mana jua ku berada
Ditemani cahaya cinta

Sejak dirimu ku dekati
Diri ku ini ku kenali
Hanya engkaulah sesungguhnya
Tiada dua

Di cermin kaca ku memandang
Diri ku serba kekurangan
Namun bagimu bukan itu jadi ukuran
Melengkapi hidup kita
Bukan harta, bukan nama, bukan rupa

DOES INTERNET RUIN LIVES?

Ah, one of those new questions
One that'll last a while because this new media isn't going to die anytime soon.

The direct reaction to the question would be "Yes" because there are effectively cases of people ending their lives because of social networking websites, other cases where kids drop out from school etc. The same answer would also be valid for people who play games all day, "ruining" their lives.

BUT.

While writing a lengthy response to this question, I came to the conclusion that the internet generally doesn't develop or diminish people's abilities but rather is based on those so called abilities. [Abilities of which were developed in childhood]

As a kid, I was already a outspoken, serious, curious and sensitive person. I still am. It is not the way I used the internet that made me this way, but rather the opposite. It is what I am that made the way I use the internet. Therefore, in theory, it is not the internet that ruins a person's life but rather this person's characteristics themselves. In theory also, this would also mean that the main root of this person's self-destructive characteristics would be directly linked to parenting in childhood.

In conclusion, according to me, it is not the internet that can ruin one's life but rather the parenting that was given during early developmental stages of life.

My main attempt as an answer to the question was that I have developed empathy, curiosity, carefulness, honesty and respect. Thing is, I've had these abilities since I was a kid, which made my whole argument fall to pieces and led to this improved conclusion.

What's the real meaning of being a winner, or being "successful". How do YOU determine when does a person's life gets "ruined"?

It's important to ask yourself, what is ruining one's life?
Is it having no girlfriend?
Is it not having good marks?
Is it not having lots of friends?

or is it more personal... more human...
such as loving what you do.
doing what you want.
being what you want
and having fun?

For me, I'd have to say that I did not succeed at life according to society's norms, but I can affirm that according to my own norms I honestly believe my life is a complete success and much closer to perfection. Thanks to my innate resistance to peer pressure.

My answer is "No"

Sometimes It's just so much better to do the unexpected and be a loser, because sometimes losers are the actual winners.

Thanks for reading, losers.

LOL

2008-12-12T23:59:00.001+08:00

goddamit i'm tired

woke up at 5am

airport

appointment

soccer

lepak

its 12am now, and tmr going johor 7am in the morning

ok so fuck you all

2008-12-11T13:53:00.004+08:00

friendships arent as easy as writing a song, or a poem. it's not as textbook as maths neither is it predictable. i believe friendships takes alot of effort, trust, sometimes pain, forgiveness, other times a little quarrel so that it can sustain. friendship is about doing your part as a friend, and not expecting anything in return. it doesnt matter if the other party doesnt do the same to you, as long as you do your part, you are already a good friend. nothing can and will change that.

i believe i was there, most of the times. i believe i did help. i believe i was already a friend to you. i believe i already did my part. the times you made a mistake, nobody else did say anything, but i came and i corrected it. just so that people will like you, wasnt even for me. everytime you were down, i was the first few to know and help. you want me to train you, with open arms i did.

and then one day, you thought i made a mistake. you thought i made a mistake, a mistake that couldnt be overturned. that day you broke a friendship because those pixels mean more than a friendship. that day, you took away a dream... just because i made a mistake that i did not commit. just one mistake. you've hurt me, because of this small mistake and the past meant nothing at all.

and today, here i am. i'm stripping off my ego to say it, and i'm not going to act like this meant nothing at all, because it meant and still means the world to me. it hurts to lose friends. if you think my one mistake was unforgivable and if you choose to end it this way, then thats the way i will present it to you. but just know one thing, something i always say. "what could mean nothing to you, could mean the world to the other person"

life's like that, we move on. i love you wnf. you're all that i'm left with

2008-12-09T21:33:00.003+08:00

friends.

thanks for confronting me. well, actually, thanks for confronting me after all of you had spit me in the back. i know you all meant well, but come to think of it, i don't think so. i thought you were the people i could count on. turned out, NOT. lol.

you never learn your mistakes, jan.

akid and hafiz, you are the kind who are just scared. you don't dare confront me. all you do is just be nice infront of me, and behind me, you nodded to what people say. thanks for that. you could have just told me. pretty simple thing to do.

jum, at least you had the honour to talk to me face to face. and told me everything. i appreciate that. i wished you understood me. you were the most matured among all of them, but you had to keep it to yourself. for all i know, you already lost your trust in me long ago. but you did not say it. keeping me in the dark, thinking you were the one who were on my side. i won you in awp, and you thought it was not legitimate. lol. you too, could have just said it.

ken, thanks for confronting me. i know your years of experience call differentiate whats legal from whats not. salutes. you were the one i was closest to in dmz. if there's a next time, just tell me where i went wrong. and save your trouble, you don't need to kick me out of dmz, i'll take the honour of quitting. was my dream, i achieved it. i guess life's like that, you got to let go of certain things. thank you for having me in for the past 7 months or so.

thanks to all of you. all the trust you put in me. guess i ran out of it. i am not going to admit it, cause i am not in the wrong. i'll leave all of you to your thoughts. its pointless giving explanations, cause it won't change your minds. go tell everyone, dmz had a hacker, now he's gone. i'm sure everyone would rejoice with my demise. thanks for the "talks behind my backs". if i were to do the same to you, you'll fire up. but no, i won't. it's just a game afterall. salutes to all of you, you're the elites.

i apologise for those pokes and quick awp reactions. i can never be that good. and never will be. it's a shame because of this game, friendships had to be affected. but if that word meant anything, you should have known the right way to do things. if you want to see me play at home, you're welcome to do so. things won't be the same again anyway. so here i am, quitting my dreams. quitting cs. because i trusted the wrong people.

it's going to hurt for sometime, but the thing about pain is that, there's always a cure for it. i'll get over it. all the best to all of you, all the best to Team DreamZ. better luck next time, jan.

2008-12-09T02:01:00.002+08:00

This is not a feel I enjoy

Not at all, not one bit

It makes me hate

But it brings more love

There are others who love you

Just like I do

When you talk to them

I am afraid you might love them too

All they do is talk to you, about you

They share my dreams with you

How can I not feel this way?

You’re all I have, and they’re taking you away

I love you so

And I know that you know

I am trying hard to control myself

I just want you to be mine, no one else

2008-12-08T02:40:00.002+08:00

where do i even start

how do i begin

would you understand

will you feel what i feel

you've changed me in everyway

things are so much better now

since you came around

grateful for you

2008-12-07T02:08:00.001+08:00

i'm tired

bbq was fun

the people were great

and cherish was simply epic

2008-12-04T03:06:00.001+08:00

For the first time in my dismal life
I feel love flow in my heart
the same heart once thought cold and lifeless
fills with glorious joy and happiness
because of a woman
whose spirit is full of passion
her eyes that shine like sapphire stars
filled with warmth and beauty
a smile that brings happiness to my sad existence
I have never known love until now
because of the way she touched my heart
took hold of my depressed soul
and showed me the beauty of life's wonders
everything that I thought impossible
all seems to be within my grasp
I see everything in a new light
because of something I thought unworthy to feel
to feel love's tender kiss
and I bask in its beauty so
because of the feelings of a woman
whom I would love now and till
my heart beats its final note to life's great song

i love you Faezah

2008-12-03T01:51:00.002+08:00

tagged by jumali

1. Do you have secrets?

yes, obviously. noob question

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl older than you?

well, i WOULD fall in love. but i hope it won't happen. no older girls for me

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone u really love?

i don't like waiting. if you love me, TELL ME NOW. lol

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?

don't know.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?

already did.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

i think both are equally blessed.

7.How do you define love?

when you look someone in the eye and you just forget the world.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

move on.

9. Is there anything that has made you extremely happy?

anything? nope.

10. What makes you sad?

girls.

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?

still the same. with a fucking mirror.

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?

family and friends.

13. What is being regarded as the most important thing in your life?

my ego.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?

another noob question.

15. What is your favourite colour?

sky blue.

16. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, and both of them do the same, who would you pick?

lol. won't happen.

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?

forgive, but never forget.

18. What do you want to tell the someone you like?

i love you?

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends,which will you choose?

lover.

20. Do you believe that there's "True Love"?

no such thing. never will be.

i love you wnf. <3

2008-11-28T16:03:00.002+08:00

come to me when you have problems

fill me up with your problems

cause you know i can help

cause you know nobody else can

throw me away then

i am just a friend anyway

i don't have problems

cause at the end of the day, you always win

and me, i'll end up alone

ask me out, and you know i'll be there

use me for your own gain

where were you when i was down

you only gave words, but you weren't there

i can't make everyone like me for who i am

because it makes me different

use me, just do

till the day i breakdown

and as always

i will be alone

because only you can have problems

only you can have emotional distress

i am a free bird

with no feelings nor setbacks

because i just care too much

when i shouldnt

because i just care too much

when you don't at all

2008-11-22T01:31:00.002+08:00

Suicide isn't so bad, give it a chance.

Thinking about suicide but you're not sure if it's the right thing to do? Here are some tips to help you decide whether or not killing yourself is a good choice:

1. Do you live at home but your parents are always finding faults in you? Or your siblings don't respect you? It's a sure sign that they don't love you and that they want you to kill yourself. Why else would they do that? What are they going to do next? Make you wear braces? Don't kid yourself, the message is clear.

2. If you just got out of a bad relationship and you feel like things are never going to get better; you're right. Everyone knows that suicide is the only option, stop procrastinating. Look on the bright side, at least your ex will feel guilty for a couple of minutes--but don't count on it.

3. Depressed? Don't have any friends? Can't relate with yourself? I guess nobody told you, but being depressed and feeling lonely isn't normal. Everyone else is happy, and has lots of friends so there must be something wrong with you. Put the prozac away, what you need is rat poison.

4. Did something stupid? Made a fool of yourselves in presence of many? Nobody else has to live with that kind of embarrassment; you know what you have to do.

5. Flunked out of school? Don't know algebra? Here's a question you should know the answer to: Flunked out of school + Don't know algebra = Time for _____. Chances are you still don't know the answer, so here's a hint: it starts with an 's' and ends in 'uicide'.

6. Missed the bus? Late for school? Sometimes bad luck isn't a coincidence. Do you really want to sit in traffic for another half hour? Look on the bright side, if you're a viking you'll be going to Valhalla. Then again, you're probably not, but eternal damnation in hell is probably the next best thing.

7. Telemarketers keep calling? It's easier to hang yourself than to get rid of a telemarketer, am I wrong? If you're lucky, D.I.Y might be having a sale on rope. After all, you don't want to die letting people think you weren't frugal.

8. Flu? You realize that there's no cure for the flu, right? Well, no cure that doesn't involve painting the wall with your brainjuice.

9. Flat tire? Do I have to spell it out for you?

10. College application get rejected? Take the hint

suicide is the way, you emo dicks

2008-11-20T02:22:00.001+08:00

i <3 you, wnf :D

bye. proper post some other time

2008-11-15T23:55:00.002+08:00

exhaustion, demoralised, pressure, my future

how long more can i hold them back

i don't know

i've lost myself because of this

lost my purpose

how am i suppose to carry on

i need to quit gaming.

I had a lot to say, was thinking on my time away
I missed you and things weren't the same

Cause everything inside it never comes out right
And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die

I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue

I'm sorry about all things I said to you
And I know I can't take it back
I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds

and baby the way you make my world go round

And I just wanted to say I'm sorry

i'm sorry i made you wait

i chose someone else over you

i'm sorry i left you hanging all these years

i truly didn't know

i'm sorry you had to listen about her all those nights

i looked so far

yet you were right there

always for me, i did not see

blame me for everything

i am not the perfect man

i am not fashion forward like the others

i admit that i don't style my hair like them

i don't think like them

i can't buy you the stars

not even carats of gold

i can't buy you dinner every night

i can't afford to watch movies everyday

you knew all this, yet you still..

you are so special

sometimes i wonder what you see

i wished i had an idea what you're thinking

how you feel

to think you waited so long for this

after all that i've said and did

you know my deepest secrets

the only friend who has heard me cry out loud

the only one i share every single thing with

the only person who understands me inside out

i love you, best friend

2008-11-15T03:05:00.002+08:00

you know better than to have done that

you know i don't like it

but you still chose to do so

i'll leave you to your thoughts

i have no will to fight this losing battle anymore

fuck you for that, fuck you

all

walk away

2008-11-14T01:18:00.001+08:00

found this from gotfrag. pretty true.

1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

2) Guys are more emotional then you think, if they loved you at one point itll take them a lot longer then you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they arent with u

3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile

4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.

5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what? nevermind. Would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you

8) GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU LOVE THEM!

9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot.

10)If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with you.

11)If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something.

12) When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is Guys rarely say that.

13)When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me"

14)If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often so when it does,you know something's up.

15) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something.

16) Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them

17)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day

18)No guy can handle all his problems on his own He's just too stubborn to admit it

19)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE! Just because ONE is RUDE doesnt mean he represents ALL of them

20)WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

21)Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life

bye

2008-11-13T13:25:00.003+08:00

fucked up people with fucked up attitude

just worst when you are also a procrastinator

People always try and put me down
But I, I don't ever give a
fuck what people say
I try and listen to the
voice inside my head

I feel so beautiful today
You're just so typical
You can't break me

I'm not ever gonna fall in line
cause I, I don't wanna be
another plastic mind

You're just so typical
You can't break me

You're just like everybody
Why would I wanna be like you?

insult

2008-11-10T02:31:00.002+08:00

play smart, you won't lose

remember this akid

you are not and will never be the weakest link

we are one team

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear for I wear a mask,
a thousand masks,
masks that I'm afraid to take off,
and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled, for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it's followed by acceptance,
if it's followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,
from my own self-built prison walls,
from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this.
I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,
will not be followed by love.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,
with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings--
very small wings,
very feeble wings,
but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a Saviour, my Saviour,
of the person that is me if you choose to.
You can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you can remove my mask,
you can release me from my shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man
often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet

again

don't you understand?

won't you help?

2008-11-07T23:29:00.002+08:00

wah cb first time in donkey years my match score can 1-9

FUCK!

dont even know what i doing, enemy cannot kill

teammate can kill KNN

zzz

2008-11-06T23:54:00.002+08:00

In hatred of a woman scorned
Making me wish she never was born
Of years and years of endless vile
There's hardly nothing left
To reconcile

A twist of fate that brought us near
Yet you tear me up
With your twisted shears

It rather be beheaded with a long sharp knife
Then live in misery and wither in strife

They say hate is of the strongest of words
But I see red
When yourself's unfurled

It's time we cut these ties And set them free
It comes of a time
I'd rather it be you
Then it be me

I say these words
I've thought with clear cut feelings
I spent much of my life entwined
In self serving dealings

Better I accept a relationship demised
Then wind up a dead mortal
6 feet under...
I'd lie.

So fly away
With your wings of evil
No longer is Satans' disciple
Revered or concealed.

2008-11-04T02:53:00.002+08:00

you scored a hat trick. 1 then 2 and now 3!

now i see why much more girls go to hell

i should have listened to Faiz from the start

on a less bitchy note

Happy birthday to Kenrick Li!!!!!! <3

2008-11-02T13:15:00.004+08:00

i'm high and tired. please eat my shit

some fag gave me a quiz. fuck

Instructions : Remove 1 question from below and add in a personal question, make it a total of 19 questions. Then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. & notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.

o1. A or B
- A

o2. What is your most favourite thing to do?

- surf the net

o3. What kind of news do you read?

- how many kinds of news are there?

o4. What is your ultimate wish?

- i want a 12 incher

o5. Is there someone in your heart right now?

- nicotine and weed

o6. Do you believe you can survive without money?

- yes

o7. Are you afraid of pain?

- ya

o8. The people you treasure the most

- the spankwire crew - for everything they've done

o9. If there’s someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?

- people love me. lol

10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.

- n, u, b

11. What are your 5 most passionate things at this moment.

- really, i don't know

12. If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be?

- Abalone :D

13. If you had a choice to be rich or happy, which one would you pick?

- fuck you, this is a trick question

14. If you have a chance, which part of your character you would like to change?

- don't know, i seem quite ok

15. How do you see yourself in 10 years time?

- just the same

16. What is the one thing you want in your life now?

- a replay button

17. If you can bring only one thing along with you to another world, what would it be?

- i don't believe in "another world" other than death

18. Which singing group I like?

- 369

19. I'm tagging

-no one

k fuck you all

i hate people who act fallaciously in public

or even virtually, because its just plain wrong

probably my opinion won't matter to those concerned

but oh well, we humans won't realise it till we taste hell itself

that's what we deserve

i don't care if you're a guy or a pussy possessor

if you are going to act like a dick infront of me

don't meet me

its so vexing having people like you around

so fuck off, you noobs

ahh girls, some of you are really low life beings

you don half naked devil costumes, you act like a whore

talk like a bitch and walk like a slut

i hate you, stinkpot. go to hell

what's up with all those cleavage exposing tops

and those mini shorts/skirts

i hate it

if you wanna dress like that, dont do it infront of me

pisses me off, especially those close to me who do it

i hate girls who post their half naked pictures on their websites

and have their pics with their boyfriends/affairs/scandal/liaison

kissing, on bed, fucking or whatever. its just wrong

seriously, why do you all even do it?

i really can't understand, what do you all gain?

nothing really in my point of view

why don't we all wake up

stop all the nonsense

we are losing and time is running out

2008-10-30T13:31:00.003+08:00

If you only knew the pain
The pain I keep inside
The pain that makes me "me"
Then without it who am I
In a room with broken walls
I lay in scene and dreams
I want you to see

I'm cold and white
I'm holding on
I'll try to breathe for you
I'm crying out
I'm singing loud
You could be all I need

And I'm losing my will
Just to hold you in
I'm giving up the hope
That you could have been the one
To save me from me
And now our lips will meet
and i'll taste their defeat
I'll give in this once

Still I know I'll carry on
Guide me through the life I lost
To find these faults in me
To find these faults in me

Save me from Me - Amber Pacific

i hope you read this, i hope you know

i can't get over you, i can't

i loved you and i still do, so dearly

you left me and you never came back

i waited, 2 years already, you never called

never heard of you since, i miss you

2008-10-28T01:26:00.000+08:00

Oh, where oh where can my baby be?
God took her away from me

2008-10-26T23:53:00.004+08:00

thanks to faiz razin siti shafiq sinteck kenrick jum akid hfz jiaming adam

thanks for the wonderful birthday celebration today

thanks for the wonderful guitar

thanks for the cake and drinks

thanks for the birthday song

thanks faiz, i love you d33p d33p

bro, your the best. you've been there for me since sec 1

the times we cycled to school, you'd talk about your dreams

and i talked about mine, i've never ever forget those memories

if i ever were in trouble, you'll be the number 1 guy to be there for me

you never let me down, and i won't ever let you down.

all the best for your final 1.5 pracs, be safe bro

your number 1, and will always be <3

thanks razin, i love your random shit

your jokes, your laughter, your random shit

never fails to amuse me, i respect the way you think

the only guy i know who never broke a promise

and the only friend i know, whos very genuine

you have been a great friend for me and cauterized sins

i really like you for who you are, that won't change one bit :D

thanks siti, you got the sweetest smile

you're the best girl-friend for the past 3 odd years

the only girl i can talk openly to with without feeling shy

you're the first person i will pm on msn just to say hi to

coz somehow, talking to you, makes me feel better

thanks for being my best girl-friend these years

your presence is a bless, so is your smile (:

thanks fiq, you're always there, always

any day, any time, any second, your there

the friend i talk to the most, the late night smses

the stories you share, the laughter you bring

you're the guy, a gathering won't be fun without

you're the guy whom i am most comfortable talking with about anything

coz you listen, and thats the best a friend can give

at least do know, i'm just here if you need me :)

thanks tecky, for the company you gave me

personally, i think you know me best.

though we seldom get to meet up nowadays

but the friendship we build back in secondary school days

will always stand strong, you're never forgotten by me (:

thanks ken, you need to smile more

thanks jum, never give up bro

thanks akid, for making me smile everytime

thanks fiz, study hard and go poly!

thanks jiaming, for coming and being part of my memorable day

thanks adam, FOR THE TREAT, THANKS LOADS

thank you all for just being there, it means alot to me

been a long time since anyone ever gave me such a wonderful birthday

and i surely won't forget this one, ever

being 18 won't be so great without you people (:

kinda tired, i shall go rest now bye

2008-10-24T23:30:00.003+08:00

HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3 SUCKS DICK

"SABAR MENANTI" RESTAURANT SCAMS

okay so on a happier note

i went out with Faezah today :D

it's been ages since we met and we finally did today

oh those times.. lol

went to cathay to watch HSM 3

i personally hate it. boring

but someone claimed it was nice O0

ok go eat shit..

speak of eating

we went to "Sabar Menanti" restaurant for dinner

it costs a bomb, but well, the food was nice

had a really great time today

got to "catch up" with a really old friend, right?

LOL

thanks for the wonderful time

we'll do it again some other time :D

YES AH MY CS CAN FINALLY PLAY

FUCK THE UPDATE WHEEEE

drawn by Beth ROFL

kk bye

oh btw, the song on my blog is nice

i love it

i want the whole world to know we met (:

2008-10-23T01:55:00.004+08:00

i can't sleep, your still on my mind

i can't sleep, not without you by my side

i can't sleep, i want to forget you

i can't sleep, i need to get that thought of you off my mind

I'll take the quiet life,

a handshake of carbon monoxide

No alarms and no surprises,

no alarms and no surprises

No alarms and no surprises

silent, silent

some old pics i have, just felt like posting them

me jum jiaying seto alson kenrick akid and keng

same people with hfz and venice

dMZ! at LAN

random

thank you for the venom

2008-10-22T14:03:00.007+08:00

whoever she is

shes HOT

Give me your hand but realize I just wanna say goodbye
Please understand I have to leave and carry on my own life

I don't belong here, I gotta move on dear
escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I'm right to move on and on,
far away from here

Got nothing against you

and surely I'll miss you
This place full of peace and light,

and I’d hope you might

Take me back inside when the time is right

just a cut from a7x's "afterlife"

blogger sucks dick coz i cant upload pictures by the masses

i was thinking of posting some pics of my frags

and the dmz outing some time ago

i'll do it later i guess

ahh being single and alone is gay

not that it makes much difference anyway

just the thought of it makes me feel weird

I CAN FLIRT lulz -,-

lately everyone has been rather fucked

including me of course

with hacking accusations, break ups, emo-ing

fuck you all, fuck the malaysians in dmz (:

seriously i had better opinions of you all,

till you all started accusing me without any solid prove

not that jumali or kenrick have not tried to assure you guys that i dont hack

malaysian gamers, PMR standard, little wonder :D

fuck you all. not happy come sg LULZ

i've ceased to care really

whatever you say doesnt matter anymore to me

i'm emo, so is razin and faiz

WHY?

same reason, GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS

hahaha bitches

you know yesterday afternoon as i was lepaking with jum

we were talking about girls, what jum said was true indeed

girls always say "guys are all the same"

FUCK YOU WE ARE NOT

you think we are all jerks. WELL IM NOT A JERK :D

this may be biased to what i've experienced

but every guy friend of mine who breaks up

end up emo-ing for months, just over that girl

that girl who left them for an unreasonable excuse

just cause they've ceased to like that guy

and we the stupid guys, EMO like buto

hoping you'll come running back to us like those hindi movies

load of crap. you girls are loads of crap

when you're emo, guys line up to console you

but who do those emo-ing guys have?

girls i know, they break today, less than 2 weeks later

NEW BOYFRIEND

bitches. stop calling us jerks

your no better, if not worst (:

IM GODLY HAHA

bye randies, smoke weed

2008-10-21T22:35:00.002+08:00

okay hi

thanks to my dear faezah for helping me with this blog :D

thanks to jumali for treating me to rokok

thanks to muz for the weed as i am emo

and finally thanks to those who made me emo

i've decided to stop this emoness in me. coz i suck at this

i'm kinda high now but i guess it's still not that bad as an hour ago

I GOT WASTED LULZ

some people ask why i do it. i ask why not?

so fuck you, i'm going to try playing cs while high heeez

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating
In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning
So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you

haha no way i'm not going to hold on, not to you =|

bye cronies